Tyler @ Marineland: A Whale of an Arcade

If forced to visit Niagara Falls, keep two things in mind. First of all, anyone that refers to it as "The Falls" actually gets off on Wax Museums.  Secondly, go to Marineland. While it can certainly be viewed as the poor man's homeless man's SeaWorld, it's home to more than Shamu-knock-off "Kandu" and uglier than usual Beluga whales. If you've been wondering where that Street Fighter II cabinet from the 7-11 down the street ran off to, I've found it, and it's begging for you to quarter up.

Without hesitation, this is the arcade you would have made for yourself if you starred in Blank Check. I know I wouldn't have wasted my time on batting cages and water slides like some dummy. Oh no. I would be the owner and operator of some of the 1990's best arcade machines. Sadly, I barely had the money to play in the arcade as a kid, let alone possess any of my most loved attractions.

Thankfully, Waldorf's Palace at the always fishy-smelling Marineland is more than happy to warp me back to the glory days. This is the place Bruce Springsteen was talking about.

Marineland made a real effort to stress just how seriously you should take your real-life combatant. Right where this machine stood was a divide. A distinct line between you and your opponent. As you can see, it may have appeared to be no more than a simple difference in vinyl flooring patterns. However, the clear distinction between the two sides of this machine reflects the gulf between the two players. They can't see eye to eye, nor should they.

Or, I don't know, Marineland cheaped out and used two types of vinyl. Why are you making it such a big deal?

When you hear the title Killer Instinct, I'm not sure re-animated Skeletons, pony-tailed robots, and, well, this come to mind. What's even more disturbing is that someone did think of that title when they saw these CG-rendered mistakes. But here we are.

...

And there we go.

"Can you believe how hot that total babe-a-rino is on the side of the Tekken cabinet is? I should be paying a quarter just to get a look at that. Chicks totally don't wear eyeshadow like that anymore, and that's why I'm so into here. She's a real woman." - some pevert in 1994

This dude dry-humped the crap out of this machine, providing it with this terribly distorted, pink-tinged sreen in the process. Didn't think Tekken could get any worse, did you?

Would you know where to even start if you were put into this situation? First off, you got an X-Men cabinet that supports all six players. Like, each of those sticks actually works. So, you got to get there fast or else you're stuck with one of those awful controllers at the side. Hope you don't mind craning your neck just so you can see your Dazzler get pummeled by Magneto. If your hunger for pretty average beat-em-ups persists, you an always jump into some Final Fight or The Simpsons. My vote is on ignoring your nostalgia and get back to that Street Fighter II machine.