E3 Pre-dick-tions

Imagine sitting across from your neighbourhood psychic, engaging in the first of three readings (for only $39.99!). When you have finally taken your mind off the sheer value of this transaction, she speaks.

"Your dog Peppers, was a cuddly puppy, wasn't he?"

Your eyes well with tears. "Yes," you tell her.

"He...liked being pet...and eating...didn't he?"

"Oh my lord...yes, he did!" You can't believe it. How does she know this. Where did she hea---

The fortune teller stands up, and throws her bejeweled arms into the air. "FUH-KIN NAILED IT! I told that bitch Ewanda! I knew I'd get this one! BAM!"

This is why I hate E3 predicitions.

Guessing outcomes drives us. How else could you explain the deaths of countless gamblers ensnared it debt to many an unsavoury type? I understand this. Who doesn't want to dream that Nintendo will finally announce a new Kid Icarus 2-D, sprite ased Metroid?

Problem is, the large majority of people have little humility, and here lies the rub.

Many people can't even be excited just for the sake of it. And if they manage, it's certainly fleeting. Oftentimes, a surprise announcement is expected, and nothing more than an X (or possibly O) on their E3 bingo card.

But sucking the enjoyment out of E3 doesn't stop there. Aside from their yawns of disinterest, something far worse bubbles to the surface; a false sense of pride. As if they've stumbled upon some grand invention, they begin to shout it out.

"Bow before me! For I am your king! I knew Nintendo would keep Friend Codes alive! Also! That tail in the Mario 3DS logo was indeed a racoon's tale! Do not fear me, for I am simply transcending this plain of reality!"

Suddenly, people forget about the laws of nature; throw enough shit at the wall, and something will stick. And let's not forgot about all your incorrect guess. Turns out, Sega is not getting back into the console business with the Fillapster XD. Oh, and Treasure does not have the McDonalds licence again, dude. Sorry.

What makes it all worse is this age of the podcast. This person's spewings are no longer confined to their homes and social circles. Oh no. Now they're invading my regularly fantastic listening experiences. As if E3 wasn't busy enough, now you have to reach around and pat yourself on the back for a series of hunches? And next to no one time-stamps these experiences, so I'm stuck fooling around with my iPod just to return to a normal conversation.

If you feel like hosting a post-crystal-ball-gazing party, leave me out of it. You correctly listed off a couple things some companies decided to do. Congratulations, buddy. Just do your darndest to keep it to yourself.