Hello there Bearders! If you've followed Nitrobeard since its inception in 2008, you know that we took pride in our underground, no-holds-barred nature at discussing gaming news and culture. The Beardcast has been a great success because of the fans, sending in letters, and subscribing to us, hoping to hear more tomfoolery and antics.
That being said, though, with the news of Brad Wardell selling Impulse (Stardock's digital distribution service) to Gamestop, we at Nitrobeard thought 'Well Hell, if Stardock is getting away with selling their souls to Satan, now's a perfect time for us to follow suit!'. We've been in talks for many, many months with some super-special investors, and we're proud to announce that Nitrobeard has our very first, official, corporately-sponsored mascot. Without further ado, let's welcome him to the family!
Gex! Some of you may remember Gex as the fantastic mascot by Crystal Dynamics, otherwise known as the 'Didnt we use to make non-Tomb Raider games too?' company. Gex helped bring in the 3D movement, and alongside Mario, is revered and worshiped among gamers as one of the shining beacons of light for our industry. It brings us great amounts of pride to bring you this announcement, as this badass mascot perfectly personifies Nitrobeard, and the obstacles we've faced over the past three years.
Take, for instance, this advertisement for one of the greatest selling games of all-time, Gex 3. Gex's snide grin showcases defiance, which is something we value here at Nitrobeard. Going against the grain is usually a much tougher road to walk, and takes the upmost of perseverance and dedication. The pun 'Miss Adventurse' is clearly a hilarious pun, something that promotes high levels of wit and self-awareness, something Nitrobeard knows better than anyone. Notice the logo: Aesthetically pleasing, with a wierd yellow orb thing behind the number 3. Here at Nitrobeard, we value bizarre symmetrical shapes behind numbers, as it shows that with no proper design in mind, magic can still happen. Also, Gex is apparently covering up a woman's breasts. Huh. I guess I haven't noticed until just now.
Look at him there! He's kicking! The zombies are trying to keep him down, but when you shine so brightly, and fly so high, nothing can stop you. This energy and will to live empowers Nitrobeard (and its readers) to do the very best they can. Family troubles causing stress at home? Raise your head high, and walk with meaning, you'll get through it! Boss sassing you at work? Kick him in the stomach while yelling HIYAH, and show him the true meaning of vengeance. Here at Nitrobeard, we value a good asskicking, as if someone's hassling you, you can shut their punk ass up! Thanks, Gex!
I hope you're all excited as we are with this new character. It's been a long time coming, but everyone knows that a company pushing their own boundaries, and creating their own services to customers and fans is a fool's errand, and it's much easier to sell out to the big guys. Brad Wardell, your ability to buckle under pressure and lose sight of the big picture is something we can all aspire to, and propels Nitrobeard's spirit into the stratosphere. We look forward to seeing what Gex can bring to us, and our GEX APPROVED CONTENT© is going to aim for the fences! A new future awaits us, Beaders! Let's ride into the sunset, together.
AHAHAHAHAH OH MAN GEX, WHAT WONT YOU DO!